Kosher BLT... really!

How to make a kosher bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, the K-BLT.

Kosher food checklist for the BLT:
  • Bread
  • Lettuce
  • Tomato
  • Mayonnaise (if desired)
  • Seasonings (salt, pepper, Tabasco sauce, etc.)
  • Lox or smoked salmon (that’s right, lox. Don’t buy the expensive stuff… then again, is there such a thing as cheap lox?)

Assembly procedure:
  • Wash and cut lettuce to desired size
  • Wash and cut tomato to desired thickness
  • Lightly oil a pan and get it hot. Put the strips of lox on and fry both sides till they're crisp. Yes, the lox will crisp up and taste like bacon. Really... it will… trust me.
  • Toast the bread while the lox is a' fryin' (or don't toast the bread if you don’t like it toasted but a BLT on un-toasted bread is just weird)
  • Assemble
  • Season to your liking... take care with the Tabasco sauce, a little goes a long way.
  • Eat
  • Thank me later



Some will find it hard to believe that frying the lox / salmon will transform it into a bacon like substance. I too was dubious. The "secret" is that it’s really not the food stuff (pork or fish) that matters, it’s the fact that it’s smoked. Apparently, the lox / smoked salmon’s magical transformation into “kosher bacon” is due to the nitrates and other fun chemicals that make smoked anything taste good. (Caution: trying this with a whole smoked white fish may not return the desired result.)

So, there you have it, “kosher bacon” and finally, a BLT you can have in your kosher kitchen.

Trouble shooting the “kosher BLT”:

Problem: my “kosher bacon” doesn’t taste like real (pork) bacon
  •         You didn’t fry the lox / salmon long enough
  •         You used gefilte fish
  •         You fried the lettuce
  •         You should be ashamed of yourself, you're not supposed to know how real bacon tastes. Find a mikvah, quick.
Problem: my toast is soggy
  •          Dry off the lettuce before putting it on the bread
  •         You washed off your bread instead of the lettuce and tomato
Problem: my sandwich is too spicy
  •         You used too much Tabasco sauce, use less Tabasco sauce next time
Problem: my sandwich made my mouth feel like it was on fire
  •         Don't put half the bottle of Tabasco sauce on your sandwich. Use common sense. I'm mean, really, it is Tabasco sauce after all.
Problem: my sandwich actually set my mouth on fire
  •         Do not attempt to make and eat a flaming BLT.


Disclaimer: If you like this “kosher bacon” and want to eat it often, you’ll find that it’s the most expensive form of bacon on Planet Earth. On the other hand, the price for a BLT on Alpha Centauri is astronomical. (Get it… Alpha Centauri… astronomical… oy)

Words of wisdom:
The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. ~ P. J. O'Rourke